As we approach the 9th day of our China journey to bring Anna home, some of the sobering realities have set in. The dreary rain here in Guangzhou symbolizes our mood tonight as we try and ease Anna into sleep just as we have each night. She is seemingly very relaxed and happy all day, but as bedtime arrives the nightly agony begins. It is as if a river of pent up emotion is suddenly released, and for 60 to 90 minutes the screaming, crying, and angry behaviors emerge. As hard as we have tried, we've not figured a way to sooth her. It's not until she reaches an extreme level of absolute exhaustion does she finally succumb to sleep. We will never know what is going on inside that little head; what fears and demons haunt her from past experiences. We've been told so little about what she has been through, and don't really know how much of that is even accurate. So we imagine the worst, and feel so ill-prepared to help this little soul through this scary and confusing time. We are doing our best and are trying to allow some self-forgiveness. In the darkest moments when we feel so helpless we remind each other that, after all, we stepped forward to save this little girl when no one else did. We know in our hearts that as overwhelmed as we feel at this moment will get through this as a family. And we will do all we can to release Anna from her fears, her demons, and the horrors that have been imposed upon her. On to our progress through Anna's adoption….today Anna went through her Hague medical exam, and was required to have seven shots. That was a lot for anyone much less a child! But in spite of that she handled it very well. She was proud to show Baba her seven butterfly bandages when she returned. After that, Lily and Daddy visited the White Swan medical clinic to get medicine for Lily's bronchitis and Daddy's sinus infection. They hope this will help them feel better soon. Our Chinese friend Ann delivered diapers and snacks today… thank you, Trena! This was so helpful as we have not had the energy for a trip to the local Wal-Mart. We're once again regulars at Lucy's Restaurant… but miss the gang from our 2008 trip. Tomorrow it's off for some sightseeing and more bonding time as a family. Sue, Elvin is our guide and he is wonderful. He says "Hi"! Thanks to all of you for keeping us in your thoughts. |
13 comments:
Yeah! So glad Ann got your package to you. Hope it helps a bit to know we are thinking of you contantly. Nighttime was the hard part for LL, too. Once we were "home, home, home" as she says it still, we were all able to settle into our routine. Certainly hope that by morning John's and Lily's meds have kicked in and they are feeling some releif. Enjoy your restful Sunday, and let us know when you'll be able to come home. Hopefully earlier than anticipated.
Hugs from ATL to GNZ!!!
We are thinking of you and sending you all our love. You are such a strong, loving family. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. We so wish we were with you and sitting at Lucy's again. We miss that too!
Cyber ((Hugs))
Beth
So sorry things are so difficult now. It is a good sign that when she is not tired she is doing so well, but I am sure that bedtime is overwhelming. This is surely the hardest part now and time will do so much for Anna. I used to chant, "every six months it gets easier" some days and that gave me something to hold on to. Sending you lots of love and prayers and support. xoxoxoxoxo... Sarah
So good to read your post---and glad to hear that Trena was able to set up the Diaper Delivery via Ann---gotta love the XZ family! I really hope the nights get better. But it is difficult to think about what fears she may have. And then to think how brave she is all day...
Any chance she is scared that you will not be there when she wakes up? Maybe your guide can ask her what she is sad about and assure her that you will all be there after she sleeps.
We are all thinking of you and wishing you well.
Hope everyone is asleep right now. :-)
Pam, first let me say Congratulations once again. Anna is such a doll!
As I read your latest post I burst into tears remembering how incredibly hard it was for us when we experienced those same kind of nighttime tears and mixture of emotions with Charis. I know how heartbreaking it is for all of you to see her so scared. Thank you for sharing with us, we'll be praying for health and rest for your family and for PEACE in little Anna's heart.
Hugs and blessings,
Kelly
So glad to see that you are in GZ, one giant step closer to getting home, home, home, and in the caring hands of Elvin. I agree with E, maybe Elvin can chat with Anna about nighttime, it is worth a try, though I suspect she really is too young to articulate her feelings. Do you have any dolls with you? Maybe you and Anna (and Elvin?) could go through some play, going through dinner, bath then bed time with the dolls, let Anna see how momma watches over them, lovingly letting her know that mommas always keep their babies close and safe. Might not be a fast fix, but play-acting is a good tool to help kids who can't verbalize feelings. I had to do months of "momma's do this and momma's do that" with Jia and still run into situations where is needs to know that she is in my hands, not her own.
If it all fails to bring a change, know that it WILL change eventually, I cannot imagine how exhausted you are. It will be easier at home. Her surroundings will be so different, but maybe that big change will do her good too, ridding her of those demons.
And two sick ones to boot, so sorry, and sending them well wishes for a speedy recouperation. And 7 shots, it is a shame....But Pam, you are holding up! Something in the mommy genes kicks in when the situation demands it. PLEASE do take care of yourself!
Thanks for taking the time to do the update,
Love you guys,
sue
Mom and Dad, you two are not only the best parents anyone could have, but also two of the best people anyone could ever know. You have charted a course into unfamiliar territory where most would never dare to go. If there were more of you in the world, we would live much different lives. I am so excited to see Lilly and Anna come home soon. I wish i could have been there on this life changing trip. I think its so funny that i went from being a only child, to having not two, not three, but four sisters! I want to thank the both of you for doing something so amazing, even when you knew hard hard it was going to be. Now anytime when something in life seems too hard, or not possible i will remember what you both did here, and remember that anything is possible!
Love, your (only Son) Eric
As parents, it's so hard to watch our kids face the fears and pains of the past in order to embrace the future. Three years later, we still have a few "moments." It breaks my heart knowing that it's something she has to do for herself and I can only share in the hugs, kisses, tears, and reassurance.
Eric said it quite well... you are two of the best people and parents anyone could ever know. I wish there was more we could say or do for you. Just know that during those most difficult times, your entire family is being held tightly in the thoughts, prayers, and love of so many.
Praying that each day is a little better than the last. Hang in there... you're in the homestretch.
Love to you all,
Robyn, Troy and the kids
April had the same behavior - she was very happy all day until you got ready for naptime or bedtime. April would get sad, start crying silently, slowly get louder, and soon be screaming and sobbing. Trying to let her cry it out did not work, it just kept getting worse.
Here is what worked for us in October. We would brush her teeth and put her PJ's on, but did not bring her to the bed. I let her walk around while the rest of us got in bed. I would start reading one of her books and she would eventually sit on the edge of the bed and slowly edge toward me. If all worked well, she would lean against me and watch TV or listen to me reading her a book (over & over), until she would fall asleep.
Most nights I had to pick her up and carry her around the hotel hallways until she fell asleep on my shoulder and only then carefully return to the room and try to get her onto the bed without waking her. This was the only thing that worked. And this only worked when I carried her - April would not calm down and go to sleep if mommy tried doing this. It would take anywhere from 30 min to 2+ hours, and sometimes I would have to start all over if she woke up when we got back to the room.
April needed to sleep next to me and be comforted when she woke up crying or scared during the night.
Say hi to Elvin for us.
- Mark (& Lisa)
What a wonderful son you have waiting to welcome his new sister home, I just teared up reading those words from a young man. Anna, honey, you are in good hands!
sue
Hi Pam: So--- Eric is awesome!!! What he said is so true. you guys are amazing. As you know (I think) Marika is a terrible sleeper. every night, still. Dr. Davies-her doctor--YOUR doctor, said this is very common. That during the day they are secure and that it is at night that they (and most people's) insecurities come out and really are magnified. Dr. Davies said that many of the kids are not 100% certain that someone will be there in the morning, thus the stress. When they finally do truly believe that, the sleep problems will turn around (he says. . hurry up, already). Can you call Dr. Davies on the dedicated line they have for folks in China? I would definitely do that... He or Dr. Bledsoe should have some pearls of wisdom, not necessarily to get her to sleep faster but to help you understand. You are amazing. Tough trip, to be sure, but you are one step closer to home. When she gets here and into a routine, things will turn around. The pics are so sweet. She is a doll and I am so proud of Lily!!! Love you guys and i can't wait until you are home...Kathleen
I'm sorry to hear that Lily and John are sick. I hope you both are feeling better soon! We are thinking about you.
I love seeing the pictures of the girls together, they truly are adorable! Try and get some rest...
All our best...
Scott, Kel and Justin
Hi Pam,
So sorry that things are so difficult for you and everyone else in the family right now. I have found that what others have said is right, children can maintain the facade of looking good during the day but at night all the trauma comes out. This is good. You don't need to fix it. You just need to be there with Anna while she experiences it- I know that's really hard for a mum who want to take away the pain but that is truly the case. You mentioned in an earlier posting that it hurts Anna if you carry her. I wonder if a sling would be similarly uncomfortable for her. Just a length of material (even a light sheet) can be made into a makeshift sling (with a knot). A sling was truly a lifesaver for us with both of our hurt little ones (and for them). I could walk up and down, up and down and the pent up fear/anger/hurt would come out and eventually sleep would come.
If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask- we're pretty much in the same time zone.
Karleen
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