Saturday, May 31, 2008

Keep Lily In Your Thoughts

How can a child's personality explode in such a short period of time? It's only been 4 weeks since we picked up Lily in Nanjing, but in that short time we've witnessed a docile child with very little personality develop into a highly expressive entertainer. She provides constant joy as she imitates, jabbers, discovers, and communicates her feelings using a variety of sounds, gestures, and expressions.

How can a child learn they are the center of the universe so soon after being alone in a crib for 12 months? And use that power to charm and manipulate every adult that looks in her direction? That's our Lily Mei.

Lily is still having her spells of low oxygen each morning, which causes us great anxiety. This Monday she will be undergoing a two hour cardiac catheterization which requires anesthesia. This procedure is part of preparation for her open heart surgery. We anticipate the surgery will be performed within 3 weeks.

We would appreciate your keeping Lily in your thoughts and prayers that all goes well with this procedure.



Lily feeding her dolly sitting in her favorite laundry basket







One of our best friends Kelly Bashinski with Lily





After Lily's bath













Friday, May 30, 2008

Another Incredible Gift from a Special Friend

A families love for a child begins long before his or her first breath......

In the northern part of China, there is a tradition used to celebrate and welcome a new baby into a family. This tradition is called "bai jai bei" or "good wishes quilt". The custom is to have family and friends contribute a patch of cloth with a wish for the new baby. Part of the cloth is sewn into a quilt while the other is attached to the wish and put into a memory book.

The quilt made from these pieces of cloth will wrap the baby with all the luck, energy, love, and good wishes of the participants, and the memory book will show the child how many people cared for her/him even before arriving in the family! The quilt is then passed on from generation to generation.

On Friday a package was delivered to our door from our friends Sue and Arlie Williams from Texas. They are in China now with their family and will be meeting their beautiful daughter Jia on Monday. Sue and I have became friends while waiting for our little ones who lived this past year in the same orphanage. I was fortunate enough to spend some time with Jia last month when we visited the orphanage. When I opened the package I was overwhelmed with emotion. Below is Sue's special message to Lily....

"This is a memory book for a special "bai jai bei" or " good wishes quilt" made for Lily Mei....many of the fabric squares in this quilt are shared in another quilt, a quilt made for Jia Suzanne, a little 4 year old girl who your mommy hugged even before her own forever mommy could!

This quilt was made for you while your mommy and daddy traveled to China to get you. It was made by Jia's mommy in special thanks to your mommy for that very special hug she gave Jia. Each stitch was placed with good wishes, dreams and warm feelings for you Lily. Lily and Jia, once shared a waiting place in China, now both share a quilt of wishes, loved in their own forever familes, both girls priceless blessings."


Sue had put together a beautiful book of good wishes from other adoptive families and the beautiful quilt that Lily is wrapped in. I just can't find the words to express what this gesture of friendship means to me. I know that our girls will always share something special.




Lily wrapped in love and 100 good wishes









Jia, Pamela, and Lily 5/7/08

Monday, May 26, 2008

A Wonderful Gift from Sara

Our neighbor Sara McMurrian surprised us today with a wonderful gift for Lily. A beautiful handmade quilt. We were overwhelmed by this gesture of love. The quilt is very colorful and filled with Asian symbols. This is a gift that we and Lily will always treasure.



Lily and the wonderful quilt

Lily Is Settling In

Lily has been home for a bit over a week, and seems to be settling in very well. The amount of growth and development we've witnessed since picking her up 3 weeks ago today has been amazing-- like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

Her interactions with us, her ability to play with her toys, her expressiveness, sitting up with confidence, and so much more. She is so much fun to spend time with as she provides constant surprises and joy. Her favorite thing is to show off her "tricks", as her Mom calls them. Playing patti cake, shrugging her shoulders, raising her hands above her head ("How big is Lily...soooooo big!) are all examples of new things she learns each day. And her smiles and giggles are so heart warming.

On the other hand, Lily has worried us each morning as she has one of her "spells". Her heart doesn't provide enough oxygen, which leads to her gasping for air, becoming very listless, and finally falling into unconsciousness. We have discussed this with her cardiologists and have learned how to help her feel better to some extent. She eventually comes out of this condition and the rest of her day is pretty normal. But while this is happening, we are VERY anxious.

We had Lily's echo-cardiogram done last week and learned her heart condition is very much like the medical reports we received from China. She has a hole between the two chambers of her heart and a heart valve that needs repair. The condition is called Tetrology of Fallot.

The plan is to have open heart surgery in about 3-4 weeks. If all goes well, Lily should live a normal and healthy life. As excited as we are for the surgery to improve Lily's life, we are very anxious about the surgical process and the recuperation time.

Our other challenge with Lily is her sleep schedule. Either she hasn't adjusted to the time change, or maybe she is still grieving. Whatever it is, she has difficulty getting to sleep each night. We are working on getting her on a schedule. If we are not successful soon, Mom and Dad will fall on our faces from lack of sleep!

Nana Barbara has been such a huge support since we got home. Lily has taken to her so well, and they have wonderful play times together. Barbara has been so helpful in providing tasty meals for us and giving us time to be with Lily as she takes over chores such as cleaning up and doing laundry. Trooper and Misha have also learned to enjoy having Barbara here as she spoils them rotten!




Lily and Mommy snoozing









Trooper, Lily, Mommy, and Misha after a walk












Feeding Misha a cracker











Reading a book with Nana Barbara


Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lily Mei is Home

Our last day in China started at 4:30 AM in Guangzhou. As we lifted off, we watched Lily's birth country drop out of site. It was symbolic moment of the end of the first stage in her life and the beginning of her new life. Lily didn't share our thoughtful moment, however. She was totally focused on the safety brochure she had just pulled from the seat pocket.

Four hours to Tokyo, nine hours to Seattle, and we were finally home. The moment Lily passed through Customs and we put her feet on the ground she was an American citizen.

Nana Barbara, brother Eric, and friends Kelly and Scott greeted us warmly at SeaTac. It was so great to see them and to be back home.

Lily had a lot of new sights and sounds to adjust to when we got home. New surroundings, her first encounter with dogs Trooper and Misha, eating in her high chair, and a nap in her bed.

Given the very long and tiring day, Lily did great. Mom and Dad, on the other hand, are exhausted!



Lily still in her pajamas and reading the safety brochure as we taxi from Guangzhou Airport









Our layover in Tokyo.














Lily becomes a citizen!










Nana and Kelly greet us







Eric and Scott greet us


Friday, May 16, 2008

Our Last Days in Guangzhou

It is Friday evening in Guangzhou. The last two days were both exciting and long.

Yesterday was the most exciting. We were taken to the American Consolate for the official blessing of all our documentation and adding a travel visa to the US to Lily's Chinese passport. It was the last official act involving the adoption of Lily taking place in China. It was a brief but meaningful ceremony.

As soon as Lily passes through customs in Seattle, she will be an American citizen. We are so looking forward to that moment. What an incredible life changing experience for this little person.

Most of the other families headed home today. We had a group dinner yesterday to share our thoughts of the phenomenal experience we shared the last two weeks and to say our goodbyes. One of the main topics was how our little ones had changed so dramatically in such a short period of time. We plan to stay in touch.

Today we visited one of the huge shopping districts in Guangzhou. We hired a shopping guide who is well known to adoption families. For the charge of $20, she takes you to the best shops and does all the bargaining for you. It's well worth the money!

Lily has felt so much better the last 2 days. She is tired, as we are, but her teething seems to have gotten better. This will hopefully bode well for her dealing with the long journey home.

We are up at 4:30 am tomorrow (Saturday in China) and will arrive home Saturday morning in Seattle 20 hours later.

Thanks for following our journey to pick up Lily.




The air in China's cities is not fun to breath











The families have a last dinner together












One of Guangzhou's large shopping malls














Our shopping guide "Ann"

















Dad carries Lily while Mom focuses on shopping





Still a big mode of transportation

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Wednesday in Guangzhou

It's Wednesday in Guangzhou and we are so happy that we will not have to spend any part of the day in the hospital. Yesterday we had an echo cardiogram done on Lily's heart. The process took several hours. There were very many children in the cardiac department that needed the same test. Health care in China is very inexpensive, but there are a lot of people waiting for treatment and all must wait their turn.

The young doctor that ran Lily's test was very kind to take the time to translate the report into English, and so we were able to send it to our Seattle cardiologist immediately. The cardiologist's response was that she felt Lily was safe to travel. She also gave us some good advice on how to deal with any situations should they arise on the trip home. The one thing that is clear, however, is that Lily will need to have her heart surgery as soon as possible. The hole between the two chambers of her heart has grown substantially since her first test at 7 months of age.

We are feeling better that we have taken these extra steps to ensure Lily's safety and that our guide, the Chinese doctors, and our Seattle doctors have been so very helpful.

Speaking of feeling better, Lily has been doing very well the last couple of days. Her fever has stayed down, and indications are that her throat feels better. Her appetite has been great and she's expanding her food choices. She has also learned to feed herself Cheerios and such.

Today was the day that the children in our group had their picture taken on the famous red couch here at the White Swan Hotel. It's a tradition and the children dress in traditional Chinese clothes.

We were also able to get into the hotel pool for the first time. It was very nice given the hot humid weather. Lily was not interested in cooling off in the water, however!

Later this afternoon we are hoping to get out for a long walk across the river from Shamian Island where the hotel is located. We hear there are very interesting shops to browse, including those that sell exotic meats like snakes, centipedes, cats, dogs; and every imaginable animal part. We're not sure whether we will do much tasting!

Tomorrow we are off to the American Consulate for our oath ceremony. We're not sure exactly what we are swearing an oath to, but if it means taking Lily home we're ready to swear to anything!

Mostly what we've seen about the earthquake is on CNN and in the English newspaper published here. The newspaper has contained very sad pictures of school children being unburied from their schools. We are feeling so incredibly fortunate that it did not occur where we were staying.

Thanks for checking in.




The children on the famous red couch











The family photo












Having fun on the bed



















Ladies dancing in the park












Napping with Daddy










A very bad hair day

Monday, May 12, 2008

China Earthquake

Thanks to all of you who have sent messages regarding the horrible earthquake. We wanted to let you know we are ok and were fortunately not affected by the quake here in Guangzhou.

Lily's Medical exam and visit to the People's Hospital

Today was the day we families were scheduled to take the children to the Examination Clinic for a general medical examination required by the American Consulate. All seven families, with strollers being pushed ahead of us, set out from the White Swan Hotel. Today was the first time that Lily had experienced a stroller and she instantly fell in love with it. Her daddy added an engine noise which made it even more exciting. She decided very quickly that this was the way to travel!

After a brief stop for photographs that will be used for the travel visa, we headed to the Clinic. This was the first time we'd seen much of Shaiman Island, and it's a historic and interesting part of the city. On the way we passed a couple of schools where we could hear the melodious voices of children reciting their lessons.

Upon our arrival at the Clinic at 10:00 we learned that it was an exceptionally busy day (50 children already in line for examinations) and were told we would have to return at 2:00.

Since we had the time, our guide Michelle took us to the Peoples' Hospital to have Lily's oxygen level checked and see if we could get an eco-cardiogram of her heart. Both of these were recommended by our pediatrician in Seattle to make sure she was strong enough for the long trip home. Lily's oxygen level was only fair and so we are concerned. Hopefully after getting tomorrow's eco-cardiogram we we will be able to get it sent off to our Seattle pediatrician and get good advice on getting Lily home safely.

We spent about 3 hours at the hospital today, and it was a very eye-opening experience. The hospital was absolutely jammed and everyone had to sit in the stifling heat and wait their turn to see a doctor. As is the Chinese way, aggressive behavior helps ensure that you get what you need and, in this situation, that means trying to cut in line to have your child treated. The hospital was like something out of a forties movie with an institutional look and feel, lines of beds, antiquated equipment, and people smoking everywere. And without our guide we would have been at a total loss since no one speaks English.

But our young doctor was very gracious and helped us as much as the facilitiy could enable her to. She scurried around with us trying four oxygen testing meters before finding one that worked on Lily's tiny fingers. She reminded us of the residents we see scurring around on Grey's Anatomy.

We joined the other familes at 2:00 for the examination. Lots of crying ensued in spite of very gentle prodding and probing. To our great surprise, concerns and questions were expressed to us as to whether we wanted to keep Lily, given her heart condition. We were shocked. We have fallen in love with this beautiful little girl. Changing our minds was never a thought that EVER crossed our minds.

Lily was diagnosed with a weak heart (that was not news to us!) a sore throat, teething pain, and a low fever. The sore throat has gone through the whole group of families this week including both of us. We first thought it was a result of the incredible polluted air, but was probably a bug.

After a very long day it was so good to get Lily back to the hotel room and make her comfortable. She was obviously happy about it too. We thought she'd fall off to sleep. Instead she treated us with two hours of entertainment. Everything she has learned to do the last few days was demonstrated for us, including a couple of new tricks. She has discovered her toes and is looking for places to put them... like in her mouth and in our mouths.
Tomorrow we will go back to the hospital and get the eco-cardiogram.

Thanks for checking in.





The Dads












The Moms











School children












The waiting room at Peoples' Hospital











A good way to kill time while waiting for the doctor

Lily getting one of her exams at the Examination Clinic

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Lily Is Feeling Better Today

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers. Lily's fever broke last night and she had a good night of sleep. And this morning she ate a good breakfast. We skipped the tour today with other families and are going to make sure she gets lots of rest.

We are going to schedule a heart evaluation at a clinic this week to make sure Lily's heart is strong enough for the trip home.

Below are some pictures taken over the last couple of days. For the families in waiting, you can see pictures of the Nanjing and Guangzhou airports and our bus transportation to the White Swan.

Later today we will share some of our "learnings" with you from the week in Nanjing that might prove helpful for your trip.
Thanks for checking in.



In front of ther Parkiew Hotel in Nanjing














Getting ready for a walk


















Delivering vegetables by bicycle in Nanjing














Connecting with locals during our walks












An area of tea shops in Nanjing


































Riding and texting in Nanjing



















Waiting at the Nanjing Airport














The children's waiting area in Nanjing Airport











Boarding the bus at the Guangzhou Airport for the White Swan








Ninja Lily Gives Us a Scare

Today was our travel day from Nanjing to Guangzhou where we spend the next 7 days. The primary purpose is to get Lily's visa to travel to America. Why it takes 7 days is a mystery only the American government can answer.

The day started at 5:30 with Lily obviously not feeling well. Things went from bad to worse when, by the time we boarded the plane, a fever had left her lethargic, very fussy, and not willing to eat or drink. By the time we got to the White Swan Hotel, Pamela was in a panic mode. Children with Lily's heart problems are very susceptible to becoming ill quickly and to getting into life-threatening situations.

A visit to the White Swan Clinic was disconcerting as we don't understand Chinese medical techniques. But the doctor was able to bring her fever down and , after waking up our pediatrician at 2:30 AM Seattle time, we decided an emergency room visit was not necessary. We will be battling to keep her fever down tonight and tomorrow, and, at the pediatrician's advice, we will visit a clinic on Monday to have Lily's heart evaluated. We need to know if she will be okay to travel next weekend.

Hopefully tomorrow will find Lily doing better. Please send your thoughts and prayers our way.

The picture below shows "Ninja" Lily. The head band is holding a Chinese eucalyptus patch on her forehead to help bring down the fever.
Thanks for checking in.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Getting to Know Lily

After the whirlwind of the first three days here in Nanjing, the last two days have provided a welcome respite. While some of the other families traveled to their children’s orphanages, we’ve caught up a bit on our rest and have been able to fully focus on bonding with Lily.

This blog is mostly for those families we’ve gotten to know by email who are still waiting to pick up their children.

With amazement, we are watching Lily develop before our eyes. Before traveling to China, we had read about how some adopted children experience a developmental spurt. But we had no idea how dramatic it can be.

Although she is almost 14 months old, Lily is much like an infant. When we picked her up she was unable to sit up on her own, unable to roll over, and unable to put food in her mouth (so much for Cheerios!). She would not eat any solid food, and was still timid about eating soft foods from a spoon. Much of her waking time was spent just watching activities going on around her. She could pick objects up, but did little more than just stare at them.

Her speech was limited to a couple of words her nannies had taught her in preparation for our arrival—“Ma Ma” and Da Da” (although those are really great to hear!). Other sounds were very much like the cooing sounds of infants. She was able to make a popping or smacking sound with her lips, which she learned from one of her nannies that we met at the orphanage. Her facial expression was mostly blank, with an occasional smile.

Most uncomfortable for us was Lily’s dislike of being held close, or being touched or stroked. Areas she most disliked being touched were her head, face, and hands. Her most comfortable position was being held flat on her back. When we’d attempt to hold her against our shoulders she would jerk backwards. Snuggling was not her thing.

Now fast forward to today, 4 days since we picked Lily up. The results of the stimulation and encouragement we’ve been able to give to her have resulted in some of the following developmental behaviors:

Working at trying to sit up and roll over (she’s almost got it!)
Snuggling against our shoulders and being held in a cradle position
Actively playing with simple toys like stacking cups; even tossing them away
Letting us physically play with her, including “rough housing”, peek-a-boo, kissing her head, etc.
Holding a cookie and nibbling on it
Eating comfortably from a spoon
Imitating our behaviors, such as sticking out her tongue, opening her mouth wide, and playing patty-cake
Handing things to us and then taking them back
Smiling and cooing when either of us comes into view and then reaching out to be picked up
Giggling with delight

Our message to waiting parents is to be prepared for most anything. You can’t plan for how your child will react to this huge change in their life. Each set of parents in our group has experienced something totally different. Each child is acting out in their own way and experiencing grief in their own way. Behaviors that start either positively or negatively can abruptly go the other way; and then back again.

When we visited the orphanage we only got a snapshot view of daily life in the babies section, but here are a few things we observed that we feel help us better understand what we are observing in these children.

The cribs are much of the child’s world. They are very small. Side bumpers limit the view of the world to what is above; the child cannot see his/her crib neighbor. The ceiling and walls are plain with no pictures or paintings. There are no crib mobiles. There are few toys; a few stuffed animals. The children were all on their backs, watching the world above them or exhibiting some sort of repetitive behavior. When John reached to hold each child’s hand and say hello, there was generally no reaction.

The play room consisted of children sitting or rolling about in wheeled walkers. There were no other toys in view. There was one playpen containing no toys.

The rooms, the cribs, and the linens were very clean. The bathroom we saw had a tub and was very clean. The nannies were dressed in clean crisp white uniforms and were very friendly. They were sincerely happy to see Lily again and grabbed her up as soon as Pamela would hand her to them. They were mostly young women, in their twenties and thirties.

We highly recommend a visit to your child’s orphanage if it is allowed and can be arranged. (We were surprised to learn that our orphanage only has 7-8 sets of parents visit each year.) We feel our added understanding of Lily’s first year has already been, and will continue to be, a critical piece in our helping guide her through the coming months and years.



Thanks for checking in.